Hindsight

My daughter asked me a tough question the other day.  “Why did you have us so young?”  I was stumped.  But I eventually mustered up an answer….and it went an little like this:

When I was in high school, I believed I was glorious.   Not only that, but that I was headed to more (personal) glory in the future.  I wasn’t the most internally confident person, but by all outward appearances, I knew that I was certainly a force to be reckon with.  I was assertive and I knew where I was going in life….straight to Broadway.Me1980s

Now, I was still a good girl at heart.  I had dear friends (boys and girls) that I was fiercely loyal to.  I was always the first to help a person out, if I could.  I had a deep conscience.  That would be my saving grace.

In college, I was a volleyball player and a budding thespian.  I knew I had what it would take to “make it big” one day on the stage, on the screen or on TV.  I just knew it.  Again, I was my biggest fan…as most of us are in our late teens and early 20’s. 

To make things a little more interesting…I am a Leo, leo….LEO!  In my early years, I frequently teetered on the brink of a “self-absorbed” Leo and the caring, loving and loyal kind.

By the time I turned 20, I had achieved a great deal…including becoming a mother.  By 22, a mother of two.  I told my oldest daughter (after a looong pause) that I needed to have my children then.  If I had not, I would not have had them at all.  I was on a fast track to self-fulfillment and they became my fortuitous salvation. 

Misa and Nani1My children grounded me….more importantly, they humbled me.  I learned to become self-less.  I learned to love unconditionally.  I learned to see the world around me, through their eyes, rather than seeing only me in the world.misa nani2

Their lives aligned with my own journey.  As I look back now I see that our lives today could not be possible had I not become a mother at the time I did.  I fumbled, cried…..and grew as a US1mother.

As the day to celebrate Mom’s near, I want to begin the celebration by honoring my children, Chamisa and Briana.  I know, without a shadow of  a doubt, that I would not have matured into the person I am today without them.  US2

I read a poem a while back that said, “the love you have in your life is merely a reflection of the love you put out into the world.”  I can honestly say, that my world is filled with happiness, joy and an abundance of love.  Thank you, girls for allowing me to be your mother.Girls2013

Girls2013-2

Smiling souls

Give a look

­deep into a soul.

Then slowly…smile

teeth are a must.

Watch the reaction

uneasy at first.

Their eyes will avert-

don’t break the gaze

or the grin.

They will return a few quick looks, most likely.

Offer a “hello, or “hi”

or heck, “how’s it going?”

Shoulders will drop.

Eyes will soften.

Corners of the lips will curl.

a smile returned

a day made

souls connect.

No worries…no commitments

simply give the gift of…a smile.

Sisters

In my pre-mortal life I know I was whole.

I accepted the challenge to venture to this earthly home…for a time.

I’m guessing there must have been a mix-up…maybe a heavenly malfunction…because I became two.

We landed together

her first, then me

lagging behind by six months.

We were born as close as possible without taking a toll on our mothers, sisters themselves.

Sisters – May, 1989.

Both sharing an identity-

Todíkozhí born for Áshííhí- both of us

And from birth we were inseparable

able to speak without words

know each others thoughts

feel the others’ joy and pain

As we grew so did our bond.

Together we faced adolescence-

the first loves, the break-ups, the run-a-way plots, happiness and grief.

In our adult lives our bond has matured.

It has steered us through martial bliss, marital woes, parenting trials and triumphs.

Sisters, circa 2005.

Now we live by text, cell and email.

When we hear the voice on the other end of the line,

we sense the mood, we feel the emotion

and we automatically align our response to her need.

These days we think about where the future will take us

and we worry about distance

When in reality, we know our bond reaches beyond any physical existence.

I don’t fear much in life because I know I have her always pushing me to succeed…and vice versa…

Because, she’s my sister, she’s my strength…she’s simply an extension of me.

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